I have a confession to make: I’d rather write than read.
I’m often embarrassed when people ask me what books I’ve read recently or how many, because I often give up on books or struggle to pick a new one. Don’t get me wrong—I love reading and it did a great deal to shape the person I’ve become. But I’m very picky about which authors I trust in my brain and imagination.
As hypocritical as it is, I don’t like to feel vulnerable, and reading is vulnerability. You’re letting someone else drive, and sometimes they don’t take you where you want to go.
Have you ever driven with someone who said they were okay with you driving, but then they sat in the passenger seat and criticized you the whole way? “That’s not the way I would’ve gone!”
That’s me as a reader. I get impatient and I want to take the story over and do it my way. The instant my eyes fall on a title and cover, my wheels are already turning, making up the story I think it’s going to be about. And as cocky as it is, oftentimes when I pick a book up and read the summary, I like my ideas better! The same goes for when I start reading and the author takes the story in a different direction than I thought they would. Sometimes I can go with the flow and be pleasantly surprised, but it doesn’t take much to lose me.
As Toni Morrison said, “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” That’s what I love most about writing: I get to create the books I want to lose myself in. I get a taste of what I love in the books I enjoy; I’m just trying to reproduce it at a higher concentration.
The trouble is, I can’t read my own work. I can edit it, but once it’s been published, I’m super self-conscious and terrified that I’ll find an error or think of a way I should’ve done it differently. I have to move forward and write something new. It’s not that I don’t enjoy what I write, but that writing it was my way of experiencing it, and when it’s done, it’s time to move on.
That being said, I’m trying to broaden my horizons as a reader. As Virginia Woolf put it, “Read a thousand books and your words will flow like a river.” My writer brain needs the exercise of new ideas and watching experts in my craft at work. I don’t have to like every single one to benefit from them.
The best luck I ever had at picking books was when I was a little kid. I didn’t overthink it nearly as much; if I spotted something intriguing on the library shelves, I grabbed it and checked it out. I’d abandon it if it got weird. I’ve come across some of my most surprising favorites that way, or by my mother handing me a book that made her think of me.
Maybe I need to return to that strategy of not overthinking. Maybe that should be one of my New Year’s resolutions.
As 2024 draws to a close, here are the things I pray for myself and for you, too:
May we discover many new books we love.
May we find joy in the creative process and produce stories that make us feel alive.
May our work find its way to those who need it or will love it.
May we enter the next year with new courage and fresh inspiration.
And may we behave as characters we’d be proud of in the unfolding story of our lives.
Here’s to you, my beautiful readers. May God bless you in the new year!
