Please Do Not Feed the Pigs

Hey. You. Starry-eyed writer.

You.

Listen to me. I know you just want to write your stories and, God willing, get paid for it, but let me tell you something: there is a crowd of people between you and your audience. They will say they can help you.

Now listen to me. *takes your little face in my hands*

Don’t assume you can trust them, nor that you actually need what they’re offering.

Let’s face it: you’re new, impressionable, and scared. This industry is like a big freaking secret; it feels like you can’t find an in anywhere, no matter how good your writing is. So whenever someone waves and calls, “Yoohoo! New writers! I know what it takes to get your book on the shelf, and I’ll help you get there,” you feel like your white knight has arrived to save you.

Maybe they will. Maybe they won’t. But how will you know before hopping on the back of their horse?
It’s not easy, but I’ve learned a few things I’m going to share with you.

While we’re talking about motivation, let me lay it all on the table: I’m a self-published author who’s going through this right now. I tell you this for two reasons: I needed to come up with a blog article topic (so I can write consistently, grow my audience, and gain interest in my writing) and it really pisses me off just how many people offer vague or minimal services to starry-eyed authors just like us so that they can get our money.

So let me lay some home truths on you.

Traditional publishers will not do as much as you think.

I wanted to be traditionally published (before I learned more about the industry) because I thought that if I had a traditional publisher, they would:

1. Bestow confidence in my work by choosing me.
2. Edit my book, or at least polish it up.
3. Help me design a cover.
4. Market the book for me.

Here is what a traditional publisher will actually do, based on the experiences of other authors and every piece of advice I’ve read on how to be traditionally published:

1. Require you to chase down an agent for possibly years for them to acknowledge your existence.
2. Expect your book to have been professionally edited before you queried the agent.
3. Choose a cover or two. If you’re lucky, you might get to pick between two options. Bonus: They pick your title.
4. You have to do your own marketing unless you’re J.K. Rowling or Stephen King. And if you’re reading this article, I bet that’s not your name.

Look closely. If any of the first list are reasons why you want a traditional publisher, it’s time for you to get honest with yourself. Traditional publishers offer a mirage of help and success, but really, publishing a book is hard work any way you cut it. I used to think it was an option for some authors, but the more I learn, the more I want to encourage you: Self-publish your book. You can do a way better job and they don’t deserve such a massive cut of the profits in exchange for a little condescending attention.

Everyone wants some of your money, and they don’t need your book to succeed to get it.

Based on my research, for every genuinely helpful or necessary service toward helping authors get published or market their book, there must be ten that are mostly useless. Kind of like how most blog articles about publishing are too vague or shallow to actually help, but have really clicky titles so you can help them build their platform.

There will be people who offer you all kinds of things, from formatting, editing, marketing, placement of your book in stores, to personal coaching in any of the above. (And that last one will cost you four or more digits of your savings. Seriously.) Some can be worthwhile services, but many are mostly fluff.

Fake agents charge a “reading fee” for the privilege of considering representing your novel so they can pocket the cash and leave you hanging. Some sites offer an “insider scoop” or access to others in the market by charging a monthly fee for you to visit the most elementary – to the point of being useless – website you’ve ever seen. Websites will offer to sell you ISBNs, when all ISBNs come from Bowker and these middle men are just charging you extra for the privilege of doing the clicking.

And traditional publishers will siphon 75% or more of your profits to do…what?

Don’t assume people want to help you.

Though I consider myself a cynic at the best of times, I can be remarkably naïve. But just because you would never screw over an aspiring artist or hawk a crap product does not by any means mean that other people won’t do it to you.
Not to be the capitalist in the room, but anytime someone offers you something, really take time to figure out what they’re getting in return and whether it’s worth the investment. Here’s how I like to do that:

Know what you actually need and what it’s worth.

Here it is, the aspiring author’s shopping list. These are the things you cannot avoid spending money on in order to get a good product, a.k.a. a book you can be proud of.

Professional editing – Expect to pay at least $1,000 and then make sure you have an editor who’s perfect for your project, because then it’s worth every penny.
Formatting services or software – I went with the latter and recommend Vellum or Scrivener, depending what type of computer you use.
Cover art – This can cost from a few hundred to $1,000.
ISBNs – Each format (paperback, hardback, ebook) needs its own. It’s a better deal if you buy a block of them. You can assign them as you go along.
Copyright registration – I paid about $65. Not much, but it goes a long way to protect your work. It’s very difficult to protect your work in court if you haven’t registered the copyright, even though copyright attaches automatically.
Upload fees ($50-100)
Domain and hosting for your website. This varies and is usually a monthly or yearly fee.

Those are the basics. You might want other services or merch as you go along, but these are the ones you can’t avoid. If someone offers you a deal where you pay significantly less than this, be suspicious.

Keep in mind, this is just for publishing. When it comes to marketing, I’m still fighting the current and trying to figure it out. But if you want your book ready to print and purchase and a place for people to find it, these are on your list.

As far as what things are worth, one of the best things you can do is shop around. Except for ISBNs, almost every service is offered by multiple sources, so make sure you’re getting the best deal. (Note: “cheapest” does not automatically mean “the best deal.”)

Compare specifics: What are you giving them, and what are you getting in return?

Some of the best-sounding promises sound that way because they are vague. Get details. Be nosy. Don’t be afraid to come across as a bit of a cynic. If they can take your money, they can explain what it’s for before the money changes hands. In fact, they owe it to you to make sure you understand what they’re getting, and if they get upset about you wanting to look behind the curtain, you’ve got your answer about whether or not to trust them.

They will try to make you feel as if you can’t achieve your dreams without help, and their help specifically. Don’t let their false sense of urgency get you down (it’s a marketing tactic). Sleep on decisions, especially ones that involve a lot of money. Read reviews. If there isn’t much information, assume it’s a scam.

The Bottom Line

The best way to save yourself money and headaches is to do your own research before you pay for anything. Learn about the industry, even the parts you won’t have to do yourself, and find out what to look for…and what to watch out for. Do your best to scout out the bare bones of what you need and then build up from there. You should never pay for a service without understanding what it is or why you need it.

Not everyone is out to get you, but a remarkable number of people are. (Seriously, I had people calling me and offering to “help publish my book” simply because I’d recently registered a copyright. Can we say “stalkery”? I had already published and also that’s really sketchy, so I flushed them.)

You’re a creator. Don’t let people take advantage of your artistic focus and scare you into paying them to do things you can do yourself or get a better deal from someone else. The more research you do, the better position you’ll be in to see through the scams and recognize real and helpful services. Because let’s be honest, that’s what your book deserves.

And above all…

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE PIGS!