With a whiff of the upcoming busy season at my job in the air, I felt the resurgence of my burning passion for the boundaries I use to keep myself healthy and happy, even in the corporate world.
So without further ado, these are the rules I live by.
- Always take your lunch break.
This doesn’t just mean that I don’t skip meals for work. It also means stepping away, leaving everything work-related at the desk, and being unreachable for at least half an hour. I find that on the days when taking a break seems the most out of the question due to workload or, if we’re being honest, guilt, those are the times when I need it the most. When I take the time to catch my breath, my mind is clearer for work, so I do a better job and have more patience. But it’s important to remember that rest isn’t only intended to make you better at your job. It’s important for your mental and physical health. Notice how everyone gets sick more during busy season? Definitely a correlation there. - With truly rare exceptions, leave at 5:00 every day.
By “exceptions,” I mean special circumstances within specific parameters for a particular project. Translation: If it’s happening all the time, it’s not an exception. There will always be one more thing, always one more “just this once and then we’ll go back to normal.” Don’t buy the lie that anything other than saving lives is a true emergency. Get a real meal, hang out with the people who give you life, get some sleep, and hit it again in the morning. Chances are, it will take less time because you’ll be firing on all cylinders. - Always power off your laptop at the end of every work day.
It’s cathartic, and it keeps you from being “tempted” to work on your evenings and weekends. (Note: I’m quoting coworkers on the “temptation to work” thing; it’s not a temptation I experience. “Guilt” is a better description, and one I do not allow to rule my life.) Don’t get trapped in the mindset of “I might do some work later.” Leaving your options open like that only traps you in that limbo where you don’t get an appreciable amount of work done but you can’t fully rest either. “Commit to the bit,” as we Millennials like to say; power it on and focus and then shut it down and give yourself a break. I’m not a technology expert, but I’m pretty sure it’s good for your laptop, too. (Case in point: every time you call IT, what’s the first thing they tell you to do?) - Always take your PTO.
As a friend of mine always reminds me, it’s part of your compensation package. That means they owe you that time off. Pro tip: If work people are allowed to contact you in anything but a true emergency, you’re not taking your PTO the right way. Leave an emergency contact that is someone else, not your personal cell number. - Always eat if the company is paying.
‘Nuff said. - I have a strict personal policy against managing managers.
That is to say, though I’m willing to politely inquire about your portion of the project, I will not hound you for it. Everyone forgets something here or there, but I’m not paid enough to be your personal assistant. If you give me a deadline and don’t hold up your end of the bargain, I guess we’re going to miss that deadline, and you get to be the one who looks the client in the eye and explains that you dropped the ball. I will do my job, and I will support you in yours within reason, but again, I am not the one called “manager.” If your job title is manager but you can’t or won’t even manage your own time and responsibilities effectively, it’s time for a serious reality check. - Never download work email or instant messenger to your phone or home computer.
You need times when you’re unreachable. Give your full attention to the part of your life you’re living. When it’s work, it’s work. But when you’re home, it’s your real life. - Do not give your personal number to anyone you don’t know as a friend.
The only exception to this is when I’m on site for a program. But as soon as we’re home, that exception no longer applies. I am not at your disposal 24/7, and if you abuse the privilege of having my number, I will block yours. - The same goes for connecting on social media: only true friends.
Litmus test for the difference between a friend and a colleague: If and only if you’d hang out with them outside of work for fun are they your friend. Another rule I use for social media is the stop-and-chat rule: If I spotted you in the wild, would we voluntarily stop and talk to each other and genuinely catch up? If not, I don’t need you on my dash. Not a rejection of you as a person; I’m simply limiting my leisure time to people who are genuinely part of my life outside of work. That being said, it’s also true that if you are one of my biggest stressors during the day, I don’t want to see you on my dash. Being patient and kind with people you can’t get away from during the day is a sign of character; forcing yourself to socialize with them beyond that is useless self-flagellation. Everybody needs a break; take yours. - Keep your sense of perspective.
Give your best work while you’re there, but remember that work is a means to an end; it is not the end. It’s how you fund your real life, not the reason why you live. If you’re passionate about your job, that’s fantastic, but it’s still only one part of your life, and if you make it more than that, you’re going to regret it. (Seriously, Google the top five regrets of the dying. It’s almost always about priorities, and nobody wishes they had worked more.)
I feel the need to elaborate on this one: Remember, a business is a business. Which means:- It is not a family. I’ve heard it said that if you died tomorrow, your job listing would go up before your obituary, and it’s so true. Look back on the times when people have left your team or company. Remember how quickly everyone moved on? If your coworkers are truly your friends, that is a separate matter, but don’t look on the company as your assigned family. They’re not. If people choose to look out for you, that is a personal choice and they’re truly your friends, but don’t expect a company to behave like that, because it is ultimately a business. People-centric policies? Love ‘em. But they’re no substitute for people who actually care about you.
- Similarly, a business does not recognize what it owes you beyond what is within your contract, so don’t waste your time building up imaginary equity by making personal sacrifices that benefit the company but only hurt the people in your life that really matter, including you. The only type of relationship you can have with a business is a transactional one. If you’re giving more than you’re getting, it’s time to either chill out or negotiate a better transaction, whether that’s with the company where you are or at another one that’s more willing to compensate you for what you do.
I can imagine the possible objections to these rules, so let me address some of them briefly.
- Yes, there are jobs that don’t allow you to be fully “off.” All I can say is those jobs had better compensate you accordingly, and if they don’t, I hope you attempt to negotiate a better arrangement, and if they refuse to budge, you leave them as high and dry as they’ve left you.
- If you feel you can’t afford to set boundaries, I feel for you. Losing a job is scary, the cost of living is high, and no one wants to entertain the possibility of a desperate situation. But being at the beck and call of someone who doesn’t value you is no way to live; it’s a desperation of its own. It may require a larger scope of change for all of us draw up healthy boundaries and stick to them, and I pray for and support that evolution. Work is a transaction, and when the powers that be forget that, it’s time to band together and remind them. You may be surprised how often you can call your employer’s bluff. If they need you, it’s time for them to act like it.
- Finally, setting boundaries isn’t just for people who work for bad employers or don’t like their jobs. Even if you love your job, you still need to rest, take care of the people you love, and allow yourself to be a whole person, with values and hobbies that extend beyond work. Just like a healthy relationship requires a bit of personal space and time spent apart, so does a healthy work environment. That’s not being lazy or uncommitted; it’s just a matter of staying healthy and happy, which also contributes to better work.
Work is a necessary means to an end, and I hope you have or gain the courage and know-how to take control of your side of that transaction.
