If you’re currently fighting for your life in the hellscape of the current job market and other crises of American life, I’m right there beside you. Though I’ve been fortunate enough to find some work this year, it’s not enough to live on independently and watching my bank account has been a roller coaster.
So in honor of my recent two-year anniversary of leaving the job that almost killed me, let’s have a little vent sesh about what it’s like just trying to find a place to earn your daily bread. Because let’s face it: in the age of wild enthusiasm for and even wilder misuse of AI, just getting a job is sometimes harder than anything you’ll ever face on the clock. The listings are poorly written, negligibly helpful, and yet they’ve got over 100 applicants by the time they’ve been up for 24 hours.
The following are the current cardinal sins that dominate my LinkedIn feed, and they apply to every other job site I’ve ever used as well. If you’re a recruiter or an executive, this is your sign to wise up.
- Job titles that don’t reveal anything about their function. Cut the games and fancy-dancy language and tell me what I’d be doing.
- Job descriptions that try to make everything sound fancier. Not everyone is a “specialist.” That word is losing all meaning. Just describe the tasks I’d be responsible for.
- Email alerts that in no way match the parameters you set. I’ve set job alerts on so many sites, and all of them fall prey to this stupidity. I don’t know if certain listings pay to get included in unrelated searches or if a single misplaced keyword made it show up, but I routinely receive links to jobs that have nothing to do with what I asked for. Some I’m not even qualified for. I’ve used the feedback buttons on the email, but it doesn’t seem to fix it. Probably there aren’t enough specifics in their feedback options to really fix anything.
- Job listings that display zero understanding of the exchange of value. If you’re only offering $15 an hour in this economy, you can’t afford someone with a master’s degree. So you’re definitely not in a position to demand one.
- Job listings that don’t list salary. You think your company is so desirable that I’d be happy to work there at any cost? This is a business transaction. Grow up.
- Silly company names that don’t sound real. Listen, it’s already hard enough to detect scam job listings. It doesn’t help when the company uses an intentional misspelling or a nonsense startup name. I don’t want to have to tell my family I work for Oogly Moogly Enterprises, even if it is a real company.
- Ghosting applicants. And then whining about how nobody wants to work anymore. Occasionally, you’ll get an automated message of “application received.” And on rare occasions, they’ll email to let you know that you’ve been flushed. But more of then than not, you’ll never even hear back. Even worse, I once had a company schedule me for a call, and then just not show up. 45 minutes later, I got an email that they’d gone with someone else. I just sat there with my notebook looking stupid when they had already made a decision.
- Not offering health insurance for teeth and eyes, even though most jobs will require sight and/or verbal communication. They’re not extras!
- The same company reposting the same job over and over. Did you hire a dud that you now need to replace, or do you need more people in the same role? Maybe you need to change your strategy if you’re that bad at hiring.
- Farming out hiring to staffing agencies who have no idea what they’re looking for. Just do it yourself at that point. You’re wasting time and money.
- Asking questions you legally can’t require us to answer. Whether I have a disability is none of your damn business unless I require accommodations. I don’t have enough faith in humanity to think they’re only using that information for good. Disclose at your own risk.
- Insisting on only hiring people who treat this job as their life’s purpose. It’s a job. I give you work, you give me money, simple as that. If you’re looking for a friend, you’re on the wrong app. If you’re hoping for someone who loves this company as much as you do, you’re going to need to offer better pay and benefits. I personally have adopted a ban on companies that require my heart and soul. They never treat you well enough to deserve it.
- Posting on LinkedIn like it’s Instagram. It’s after hours. You can stop pretending to love your job. At what point in the day do you drop the act and just be a person, independent of your employer? And if you think I’m going to treat this company like my hobby, you clearly don’t know me very well.
- Recruiters who initiate contact with you via text. You’re a business contact, not my buddy. It’s giving “scam.” I’m of the opinion that unless we expressly discuss it and mutually agree to communicate via text, it’s off-limits. Be professional and open with a call or an email.
- Posting volunteer and unpaid internships on job sites. Seriously, just stop. No one can afford to work for free, and if you can’t afford to pay, you can’t afford help. Roll up your sleeves and pull yourself up by your bootstraps or whatever. There are places to ask for volunteers, but Indeed and LinkedIn are not it.
- Using AI to sort through applicants without having any idea how to use it. The computer will do exactly what you tell it. So if you’re telling it that a nice-to-have is a requirement, it will dutifully scrap qualified applicants without ever showing them to you. And if you think we can’t detect AI in the message you couldn’t be bothered to write yourself, think again.
I wish I had a solution for us, other than “don’t do any of the above.” But I hope this list gave you a laugh and a sense of solidarity.
In the meanwhile, pray for our nation. We’ve got a lot of evils to purge.
